It’s finally happening. Cena vs. Undertaker. Legend vs. Legend. GOAT vs. GOAT. Wrestlemania 34 will give us one of the most anticipated match ups in either man’s career, a match that will inevitably split the crowd into “Let’s go, Cena!” vs. “Undertaker!” chants.
Sounds kind of dull, doesn’t it?
Don’t get me wrong. I want to see Cena vs. Undertaker. I just don’t want to see a babyface Cena vs. babyface Taker. We’re already getting that with A.J. Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura in what’s sure to be the match of the night, and you know the crowd is going to split for Reigns vs Lesnar as well. Do we really need another marquee match up between two “gray” superstars?
I saw a commentary online this week that said the Undertaker should go old school, come back as the Biker Taker for this last ride. I’ll do you one better. We need Cena to go full heel. We need him to go back to his OVW roots, to become the heel he never got to be in the WWE. And just to make sure the smarks don’t latch on to this new heel Cena as their new hero, we need an insurance policy in his corner to make sure the fans know who the bad guy is.
John Cena needs the Starmaker.
Kenny “Starmaker” Bolin, the man who guided John Cena and nearly five dozen men and women from Louisville to the WWE, is the key to making Cena vs. Taker a match for the ages. Give him two weeks of cutting promos alongside his former protégé and legions of little boys with tears in their eyes will be burning their “Never Give Up” wristbands, T-shirts, and ball caps (thus guaranteeing Cena a nice, fat payday down the road on merchandise sales when he turns back babyface, I might add!).
Now let’s be clear. Heel or no heel, Cena does not need a mouthpiece. In fact Heel Cena in his OVW days was arguably more exciting, more electric than Big Match John has ever been. The problem is that while Heel Cena would lose the current “Let’s go, Cena!” fans, he’d turn those low pitched, “Cena sucks!” chants into cheers. He needs a lightning rod, a genuine heat magnet that could turn every man, woman, and child in the building against him.
Kenny Bolin once tried to donate a coupon to a strip club to WHAS Crusade for Children so the needy kids could get a lap dance. Kenny Bolin would tip the scales with the fans, setting the stage for a good versus evil unseen at Wrestlemania in decades. he would turn the “Face That Runs the Place” into a disgrace.
I know it’s just fantasy booking. The Starmaker is busy overseeing his growing media empire, and I don’t know at this point if even the McMahons have the money to lure him out of retirement. But what match would you rather see? “Let’s go, Cena!” vs. “Undertaker!” or Dead Man, Inc. vs. Bolin Services?